I remember my first round of corporate lay-offs. It was late in 2000, almost a year and a half after I joined Corporate America. First, there were rumors and whispers about the coming CUT. Productivity came to a screeching halt as fear spread. I called my dad and wailed, "I might lose my job."
His response: "So. You'll find another one. Wanna hear how many jobs I've lost?"
His response stunned me. The calm tone was so different from the panic that seized my co-workers. I realized then that I could be calm in the midst of the storm as there could be a way out and life goes on. My dad, who has worked his life as a carpenter, had weathered economic storms, worked at several different companies in three different states, worked the day his employer shuts the doors permanently, started his own business, subcontracted for contractors with varying ethics and levels of success--his path has been a roller coaster.
I also learned that a worker can give 40, 50, 60+ hours a week to a company, but when times get hard.... CUT..... The betrayal of that first lay-off/reduction in force/CUT still stings and it holds me back. I am cautious to be loyal, devoted and committed to a company. Sometimes I forget the possibility of betrayal and put in the extra hours, dream, let the loyalty grow. But, so far, any budding loyalty and devotion is trampled by the reality:
When times get hard, the workers are CUT. Lay-off, right size, reduction in force, whatever you call it.I survived that first round of lay-offs, then the rounds that came after September 11, 2001 and more and more rounds. Cutting to right size. Cutting to meet Wall Street expectations. Cutting to eliminate duplications of staff due to an acquisition. Cutting to accommodate the decreased revenue. Cutting to prepare to be sold again. Cutting.....
I believed I was invincible. I had never been cut from the team. "It's because I work so hard and I'm so valuable."
I was at Company A for four years. It was the place where I matured and bloomed as a worker and as a manager. I pulled an overnighter, worked hard, developed tools so the team did the job better, mentored and and survived several rounds of CUTS and two mergers. I survived a lot of change in the office and personally as well, I incubated and birthed two babies.
One day I brought my daughter Anna to work and met my boss for lunch. She struggled to deliver the news that I was going to be CUT as she looked at my little girl sitting in my lap. It was my inadvertent "f-u." The reality is that cutting jobs/people impacts lives. Little people and big people. I worked my last day on July 31, 2008.
As I look back, I see that good came from being cut as I was getting comfortable in the job. I knew the product and it wasn't challenging. There were the usual complications due to the industry, company politics and management. But I had decided that I would ride it out, try to make a lateral move or get a job elsewhere in a few years.
Instead, I was forced to figure out, "What's next?"
I invited a former colleague to link to me on LinkedIn and that led to a meeting at Starbucks, which led to a job. I was thrilled as it was the leap into marketing that I had wanted. Everyday I did something I had never done before. It was exciting and very scary. I never felt secure.
I worked lots of hours before and after Thanksgiving last year (2008) on a tradeshow project and was thrilled that the client was happy with the results. Because I was working Wednesday and Friday of that week, I didn't go home and share Thanksgiving with my family like normal. My stepson came to spend the weekend with us after Thanksgiving and we didn't plan much exciting because I was working long hours.
A week or so later, my boss said we were going to do my 90-day review and I prepared mentally. I thought about all that I had learned, what I had accomplished and what goals for improvement I wanted to set.
One of the owners, my boss and I met at Starbucks on a cold December morning, sat down and my boss said they were letting me go. A classic Freudian slip, I spilled my coffee all over the table, barely missing the owner's white, furry sweater. Embarrassed, flustered and upset, I grabbed my things and got up to leave but decided to stay and ask the question, "Why?"
I've never had good answers to that question in July and in December. I can find mistakes I've made in both situations. I know that business changed for both the companies that let me go. Perhaps there were politics involved. But.... "I work so hard and I'm so valuable." Being CUT feels like betrayal.
I continue to work in Corporate America and I do not anticipate choosing an independent venture to support my family. My relationship with work and my company has become transactional in nature. I'll give but I want something in return. I work hard and I want to take care of my family in return.
However, I love to feel part of something important and to be needed. I love to work. I have hope that my hard work matters. I worked many hours this fall on several projects that are important to the company's revenue in 2010, but as Thanksgiving neared, I remembered the lesson of betrayal. It still stings.
When times get hard, the workers are CUT. Lay-off, right size, reduction in force, whatever you call it.
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