Taking that First Step Toward Change

Imagine you're walking into a strange place to begin something you're not sure you want to do. You're not sure what to expect. It might be unpleasant.

That's what I did last Wednesday. I walked into Grayslake Curves to learn what it was about, assess where I am, set some goals and understand what I was getting myself into. I saw women of all ages and shapes on machines, upbeat music and a voice saying something like, "move to the next station" every 30 seconds. It felt familiar as I went to a gym regularly for two or three years. But there was something different. I'll talk about the difference in future posts.

Hyacynth greeted me and took me to a table at the back and explained that we were going to discuss my history with exercise/weight loss, physical health and then take measurements.

This was uncomfortable for me because my history is complicated, how I view myself is evolving and setting near-term goals was difficult for me to articulate. I was slender as a child and teen, then in adulthood I found myself quickly and easily adding weight, but not losing it so easily. Growing up with overweight parents, I witnessed negative remarks made about them and knew it was not right to reject people because of weight. In the last year, through blogging friends, I've been exposed to the ideals of fat acceptance. I've been working in the health management industry and have been bombarded with weekly headlines about obesity. I also honor my sister's story of recovery from using alcohol and food to numb her emotions and deal with life. The idea of losing weight is stressful for me because of the verb "lose" and the idea that I won't have any clothes. Strange but true. It's complicated and I'm not sure how my experiences and these ideas fit together. But I've decided to go down this road and I'll see where it takes me.

So I gave a quick recap of my fitness and health history and worked with Hyacynth to set some palatable, achievable near-term goals. As I stated in my earlier post, my goals are to be healthy in the long-term, those goals aren't going to be motivating when I have to get out of bed early. So I decided that my first two goals would be:

• Want to hike, be active without being breathless by summer
• Want to keep up with a kid on a bike

I went along with measuring my body and had mixed feelings about it. I think it's good to set a baseline and as I become more fit, my measurements will change. It was also easy to see how someone could reject or hate their body as measurements revealed their body didn't fit the ideal (or a person's vision of ideal). I don't think self-hatred is a good place to start when trying to make positive changes, so after every measurement, I gave myself a little mental hug. "It's okay, thighs, I love you. You're OK. And soon, you're going to be very strong."

After measuring, Hyacynth walked me through the circuit and explained how the machines work. I can really buy into strength training and its importance to fitness and health. Even just testing out the machines and practicing the movements, I could see how each machine worked specific muscles. Future blog posts will describe how the workout feels. In the meantime, you can read about yourself on Curve's site: The Workout Circuit Demo.

Even though I took my first step into Curves tentatively, I walked out knowing that I am making the right choice for me and that I would have the tools for change. For the next six months, I'll be posting about my experience, challenges and victories. I hope these posts encourage you to pursue fitness and improved health (or at least think about it -- "contemplation" is a valid, scientifically proven stage of behavior change).

Note: I have received a six-month membership to Grayslake Curves from Hyacynth in exchange for blogging about my experience weekly.

Getting on the Exercise Wagon

I used to be in good shape. I exercised regularly, lived an active life, went on runs with a friend, attended exercise classes, played volleyball with co-workers -- all of these at one time in my 20s. But the gym bored me, I got pregnant, life changed....................and here we are -- five years later. I can walk briskly, huff up the stairs when I have to go to my basement to the second floor, go on a hike once in awhile, play tag with my preschooler for a few minutes. While these activities are enjoyable, they remind me that I am out of shape.

I have lots of excuses to explain why adding exercise to my routine is too hard:

• Exercising is uncomfortable, sweaty, icky.
• It takes time and I don't have much time outside of work (3-7 hours depending on how late I go to bed).
• I'd have to get up early to fit exercise into my day.
• And to get up early, I'd have to go to bed around 10 or so.
• If I went after work, I'd be away from home longer than I'd like.
• My husband spends all day with the kids and I don't like asking him to spend all evening with them too.
• I don't have any work-out clothes I feel comfortable wearing in front of other people.
• I don't have money for a membership.

While talking to my health coach, provided free to me by my employer, it slipped that a fellow blogger had offered me a free membership to her Curves. And my health coach jumped on it and asked me when I was going to start. Not IF, but WHEN. During the discussion, the reasons why I would want to try Curves came out and they include:

• I want my body to move more easily.
• I want to be in shape--it feels good.
• I am hoping to buy a bike this spring and would like to get a head start since it's only warm four months of the year here in the Midwest.
• I want to take care of myself.
• I want to be vibrant and healthy in 15 years when I'm 50 because I'll have teenagers who will need me to do more than lie on the couch in the evenings and weekends.
• I don't want to be diagnosed with diabetes in the next five years.

The reasons to begin exercising outweigh the reasons not to begin.

Also, I have a health coach who's waiting to hear about my first week at Curves. Plus, now that I'm not employed outside the home, several of those excuses are blown out of the water.

What excuses do you have that keep you from exercising?

We see dimly

A version of this Bible verse has been coming to mind often in the past few weeks:

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

I am remembering an older translation that uses the phrase, "we see dimly," which probably references the poor quality mirrors that were available in the first century.

To me, it states the obvious -- we can't know what's going on behind the scenes or what what will happen in the future, but we will see it all clearly when the future becomes "now."

Sometimes it's hard to live not knowing. Not knowing what the next day or week or month holds. It's difficult to plan, schedule and dream. When there's so many variables hanging in the air, it's hard to make decisions.

It's also challenging to trust that things are going to work out. Whatever "work out" means. However "work out" looks.

I was told on Thursday that my position was eliminated and that was my last day. My intuition said it was coming (see my musing on the "what ifs"), but I was able to rouse enough hope to pull together a fine "last hurrah" of a project. And to fool myself into thinking that they couldn't live without marketing. My intuition was right again.

I'm strangely excited for what is to come. I feel an adventure coming.

Dr. Ruther and Health Care

Last night, while my son was eagerly waiting for me to be done chopping apples he was telling me about his day, including both the imaginary fights with dragons and the real games he played with his preschool friends.

He started to tell me about Dr. Ruth, which surprised me and I wasn't sure where that conversation was going to go. Turns out, he was telling me about Dr. Ruther King (known as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr to us). We had a discussion about how some people are mean to others (he already knows that from experience) and that God loves everyone and likes that we look different. So should we.

My son is pretty smart and I hope he stays that way. Last week I had one of those annoying conversations with a co-worker about Dr. King and why a health care company would take the day off in his honor. "What did he do for health care?" Ignorance and bigotry are still rampant.

One of his statements about health care: "Of all the forms of inequality, injustice in health care is the most shocking and inhumane."

The AHRQ, a government agency focused on quality in health care, has a speech on their site, delivered by John M. Eisenberg, MD on January 14, 2000.

His speech: Remember!  Celebrate! Act! A day on, not a day off!

The sad fact is that injustice and inequality exists today. There is still great disparity in health care practices, availability and access: AHRQ report on racial disparity.

I hope we do not have to wait until my son's generation become the leaders and the ignorance dies.

And the Winner Is.....

 Anna chose the winner.















Strong Feather! Check out her blog: Breathing Decisive.

Thanks for entering and if you'd like to support your fellow breastfeeding moms (and those who want to) -- purchase a calendar here: La Leche League of Central Lake County.