Photo by Caleb ConditWhat's ironic is that I learned about the concept of Attachment Parenting from a woman who probably doesn't believe in it or practice it. Dr. Sear's book, Attachment Parenting, was in a pile of books she gave me when I was pregnant. He outlined seven attachment tools:
- Birth bonding
- Breastfeeding
- Babywearing
- Bedding Close to Baby
- Belief in the Language Value of Your Baby’s Cry
- Beware of Baby Trainers
- Balance
When reading it, I became concerned that I wouldn't be able to integrate all the practices into my life because I worked outside the home. However, I found that Attachment Parenting enabled me to remain connected with my son and encouraged me to find creative ways to mix work and parenting. I was able to be an attached parent while working by:
- Negotiating a work-from-home schedule several days a week*
- Finding a caregiver who would come to my home (what a gift!), eventually his dad took care of him part-time*
- Pumping breastmilk
- Co-sleeping to make up feedings and snuggling time
- Breastfeeding when I returned home from work and wearing him a sling while doing household chores
- Bringing him with me during evening or weekend activities
- Gently parenting him at night (concept of nighttime parenting is counterculture if you ask me, but important)
- Making sure to take time to connect with my son and relegating housework/other tasks as second priority (or *gasp* sharing housework with my husband)
I've been able to mix work outside the home and attachment parenting with my daughter as well. In fact, I was fortunate that she didn't go to daycare until she was six months old due to a flexible work situation and losing my job. I brought her into the office several times and that's a post in itself.
Other helpful Attachment Parenting resources are Attachment Parenting International (its blog) and its local support groups. I'm part of a local group that's mostly active online and we gather for park days and evenings out. It's been nice to have like-minded parents nearby. To get answers to real-life challenges of attachment parenting, mothering.com's discussion boards have been real helpful when I've had challenges with pumping, weaning, discipline and nighttime parenting.
In my reading, I've come across some good blog posts on Attachment Parenting, including:
- What is Attachment Parenting
- Benefits of Attachment Parenting
- Attachment Parenting is Not...
- Our Story
- Let's Talk Discipline
- How I Became and Attached Mom
*The first two things I did (work from home and find a nanny) are not options for everyone and unfortunately, not every workplace/job role facilitates the pumping. And our culture, hospital practices and formula marketing sabotage breastfeeding. But the other practices are certainly viable options for both a mother and father.
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2 comments:
I find that discipline is an area that I really struggle with, being less "attached" than I would like to be. I worry about being too permissive because I get so few hours to spend with my son each day. It places a burden on my interactions with my husband too, because I get upset with him if he loses his temper with Ryan mere minutes after we walk through the door---even if I completely understand that he's had a trying day and the last thing either one of us wants to hear is whining. I've worried that our son doesn't know how to play independently because he seems to constantly demand our attention---to the point that I get absolutely nothing done around the house before his bedtime. His teacher has reassured me, though, that he is actually very good at playing by himself...in her words, "he just wants to be with you after being here all day." I feel like I'm doing a cautious dance to ensure that he emerges healthy and well adjusted. It's a struggle, and it sure induces a lot of second-guessing!
I think that it's totally possible to combine working and attachment parenting. I was also able to negotiate a flexible schedule, and work part-time from home, which was great. Another thing that I had going for me was a long maternity leave - taking a full year off really helped me. I wish everyone had these sorts of benefits, because I really think that they make all the difference in the world.
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